


An Unexplainable Feeling

by random_crow_of_karasuno



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, If it’s 2am and you need some fluff and angst this is the fic for you, M/M, about as tropy as you can get, pinning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 06:28:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20943851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/random_crow_of_karasuno/pseuds/random_crow_of_karasuno
Summary: Hajime has been in love with his best friend for as long as he can remember but he refuses to come to terms with it, because that would mean explaining the unexplainable. And that’s what he tells himself it is: an Unexplainable Feeling.





	An Unexplainable Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic I started writing it in English class and just decided to roll with it. This is fic pretty tropy but I tried it anyway. Please leave comments and kudos telling me what you think <33

It started with pins. One Godzilla pin on a black backpack and an alien pin on a blue one. Since Kindergarten when the boys and their moms when shopping together. The friendly women talked and mingled, while the small boys wandered off into the shop with the pins. As soon as they saw them both boy knew they had to have them.

“Can we get them please?”

“Okay sure but you have to promise not to lose them”

Once in Kindergarten the pins went on backpacks and stayed there. Both boys went together of course. Each never leaving the others side hand in hand, their small hands and chubby fingers always intertwined. Even when other children would invite one of them over, the other kids knew if one was invited the other would also come along. 

Once graduated to elementary school their pins moved with them onto new backpacks.

In third grade they stopped holding hands, because the other boys started whispering about them.

“Why do they hold hands all the time? Isn’t it weird?”

“I thought only girls hold hands with boys. Are you a girl Tooru-kun?”

So they stopped because they aren’t like that. Obviously.

In middle school, the one with the alien pin and soft brown hair started transitioning from an adorable little boy into a handsome youth. The girls started to whisper about him.

“Isn’t Oikawa-kun cute?”

“I wonder if he’ll go out with me…”

The other one, the one with the Godzilla pin and spiky hair, stood back and let it happen. It did strange things to him, watching his childhood friend talk flirtatiously to the girls in the hallways. He couldn’t explain what he was feeling. He couldn’t explain the sharp pain in his chest when his best friend got his first girlfriend. 

Couldn’t explain the tears threatening to spill over when he found him kissing a girl behind the school.

As middle school passed he couldn’t explain why he never accepted confessions from girls. Couldn’t explain why he wished his childhood friend wouldn’t either. Couldn’t explain his urge to slip his hand into the other boys just like when they were young. It was incomprehensible his impulse to run his hands though his friends soft hair. His longing to pull his best friend in the whole world close and never let go.

So many things he couldn’t explain. Couldn’t explain these thoughts and those impulses. Couldn’t explain this and can’t explain that. But the truth was he could. He could explain why he wanted these thoughts to become reality. He could explain why he wanted to see what it would feel like to press his mouth to a certain pair of lips, that also had chocolate brown eyes and soft perfect hair. But he wouldn’t, no, he chose not to explain these thoughts that plagued him and haunted him like the dreams he began to have. He chose not to explain these thoughts and urges that involved hands tracing up stomachs and backs. Because if he did, if he did these thoughts would grow uncontrollable and lead him to a much darker place. A terrifying unknown, that threatened to destroy the longest lasting and closest friendship he has ever had, and get him rejected and socially exiled if word got out. 

He knew these things so, these thoughts and urges would stay locked inside of him. In a tiny box at the center of his heart where no one would find them. These things would stay private and unexplainable, yes always better unexplained.

————

When the pins moved onto bigger backpacks with the boys onto high school, the shorter boys thoughts were still “unexplainable” and he always dismissed them as just that. 

Volleyball continued and grew with them. The slightly taller one with brown eyes knew he wasn’t a genius. At least not like the genius setter that resides with the crows, but he practiced anyway. He practiced and practiced and practiced until he could serve the meanest jump serve in all the prefecture. He got obsessive and would stay at practice way to late, never resting up enough, until a tear in his knee benched him.

And the other one, the dark headed one with green eyes cursed himself for not being able to stop him from over exerting himself like he always did. He hated seeing Tooru in pain. More than he hated pain itself, and he vowed to never let something like this happen again. Because what would he do without his setter, his childhood playmate, and his best friend in the whole world.  
————

It came out of nowhere 

“I’m in love Iwa-chan”

“What?” 

“I said I’m in love, are you so old you have hard of hearing already?”

“Shut up Shittykawa. Have you confessed yet?”

“Haha funny, of course not. I’ll get rejected so badly I’ll never recover” 

And there was something sad in Tooru’s eyes as he said that, something Hajime never liked seeing on his face, something like intense sadness and longing that could never be fulfilled.

And Iwazumi racked his brain for someone who Oikawa could possibly love. No one came to kind. Who could this person be that Tooru was so sure would reject him? 

He let the topic drop because hearing Tooru talk about someone we loved...he didn’t know why, he just didn’t like it at all. It filled him with something ugly and unwelcome...something like jealousy. He stopped that train of thought immediately, because continuing would mean explaining the unexplainable and that was something he wasn't ready for. Hajime changed the topic and refused to go back to that certain thing that made him feel hollow inside. But his subconscious did the work for him.

“Who is Tooru in love with and why do I hate them so much already?”

————

After graduation, when painful goodbyes were done, and tears shed, the young men walked the route to their houses together one last time before university. Alien and Godzilla pins still in tact, having made it through all those years. They knew they would be parting soon to different universities but vowed to stay close and in touch, and visit whenever they could. 

Either way, one last time for good old times sake, the fist bump came like tradition before they parted. But the darker haired one took that moment to explain to himself the thoughts that had started in middle school and stayed with him up until now. Took that moment to explain to himself the unexplainable.

“I’m in love with my best friend”

That’s all he needed to explain to himself from the beginning, the realization hit him square in the face. Of course deep down he knew that was always true, but this was the first time he had bothered to realize and face it head on. 

He knew that he couldn’t part with Tooru, he couldn’t and he wouldn’t not in a million years. He also knew that Tooru’s heart already belonged to someone else. But life was going forward whether he liked it or not and he needed to set something straight. They were going to be apart soon in different universities and he wondered how he hadn't realized before how painful it was going to be. Even if Tooru’s heart belonged to someone else. Even if Tooru would never love him back. He still needed to take this chance.

As the fist bump ended and the two boys pulled back. Hajime decided. They were going to be apart but he wasn’t going to let that happen without making one thing clear. He needed to do this for himself, regardless of the consequences. His body made the decision for him before he even realized what he was doing.

He leaned forward just as Tooru was turning back around to face him. He pressed his lips to the taller boy’s. Their mouths slotted together perfectly as if they were made for each other. Tooru tasted of the ice cream they had had on their way home. At first it was just Hajime, but then Tooru started kissing back. 

Tooru was kissing him back

Tooru was kissing him back

How and why, he didn’t care, all he cared about was the fact that Tooru, his best friend, his secret crush and the love of his life -wait that’s new- was kissing him back. They stayed there on the sidewalk in front of the whole neighborhood where they would probably be seen, but Hajime didn’t give a fuck. He wrapped his hand lightly around the back of Tooru’s head and stayed there. Tooru’s lips were warm and inviting just like he had imagined them (because yes he certainly had wondered how this would feel like). The kiss ended and they parted, both staring at each other now.

Out of no where, silent tears started spilling down Tooru’s face. Hajime’s first thought was “Oh shit, I fucked this up. Tooru already has someone he loves and I just kissed him what was I thinking”. Instead Tooru just wiped his tears and tilted his head forward so his forehead was on Hajimes shoulder. 

Still alarmed Hajime says

“Oh my god, Oikawa I’m so sorry it came out of nowhere and I know you already have someone you loved but I kissed you anyway for my own selfish reasons and I probably fucked up our friendship-“

“Shut up”

“What?”

“I said shut up! Iwa-chan I know you’re an idiot but could you really be that dense?! Do you even know how long I have waited for that kiss??”

Hajime was missing something. A piece of information that seemed to be pretty relevant but that he somehow missed.

“It’s you” Tooru said.

“You’re the one I was in love with”

“Oh.” Is the only answer Hajime's brain can formulate at the moment.

Oh. oH. OHHH.

His brain still wasn’t completely working but he managed to piece together what Tooru was saying. He was the one Tooru was in love with. He was the one who had his heart. He was also the cruel bastard who he had come to hate for making Tooru believe he would be rejected. 

“Oikawa I’m sorry, oh my god I’m so sorry I made you think I would reject you. I’m not good with feelings and romance in general but, I love you too. I have for the last 8 years of our friendship I was just too much of a coward to face what I was feeling, and you were here thinking I would reject you.”

Toorus response was to just cry more into Hajime's shoulder 

In between broken sobs he asked “So, does that mean you’ll be my boyfriend?”

“What kind of question is that, idiot, of course”

He wrapped his arms around Tooru while he cried. He could feel his tears seeping through his thin jacket but he didn’t care in that moment. What he cared about was this feeling in his gut that he had held around for so long he hadn't even realized it was there. But now that it was gone, that awful unexplainable feeling. He could breathe easy and hold Tooru, just hold Tooru and know that Tooru was his and he was Tooru’s. And that alone was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it this far ARIGATOU GUSAIMASU for reading this absolute mess of a fan fic. I basically started writing IwaOi and needed a place to dump it. It means the world to me that someone would even read this hot mess.   
EDIT: go read my other (better) fic (I don’t particularly like how this one came out lol)


End file.
